Often people with anxiety are worn down and find it difficult to raise their energy level to be assertive. Or possibly they may have a low self esteem and struggle to believe that being assertive will work, and that they will fail because they’re not good enough, as they have failed in the past. Because anxiety is fear based, we can feel nervous or timid towards other people, maybe the thought of ending up in a conflict puts us off even trying. People with anxiety can be overly suspicious, due to the feelings of fear from the body's ‘fight or flight' response and from the very beginning suspect the worst, even though they may be totally wrong. The anxious mind wants to keep us like this because we are sending out danger signals to ourselves, so our nervous system responds faithfully, keeps us guarded just in case, when the reality may be different and we will actually be fine. Cognitive behaviour therapy can be very useful at helping people with anxiety to look at the way they thing and to recognise these negative thoughts and then to rationalise them. When we start to become more assertive and take control of our lives we feel good, in control, and this is good for reducing anxiety as we grow in confidence and then we send out messages to ourselves that the danger is reduced, and in turn our body and mind starts to feel more comfortable. We start to resolve issues, get jobs done, and get ‘something off our chest’. People feel challenged by a direct attack, often a discussion around a subject in a light and friendly manner will reassure the other person that you are not challenging them as a person, insecurities will remain unruffled. When we feel more relaxed and calm we are less likely to get into a conflict situation, we have no need for those ‘anxiety chemicals’ that make us panic and become agitated.

Remember: Often the road to recovery from anxiety can be a bit up and down, we may make some ground up then have a setback. This is usual: old fears often can creep in, so try not to let it get in your way. Remember: we are meant to have some low anxiety, and most people have good and bad days.

As a Christian being assertive is important: Jesus could be very assertive. He sometimes carried out his ministry under very difficult and hostile circumstances and often his teaching was attacked or even used against him. He didn't have an easy ride. We can feel encouraged that Jesus is with us when we need to be assertive even when it not always easy.

A simple prayer:

Dear Jesus, I thank you and put my trust in you, you are always at my side even when feeling desperate; I know that you will never let me down, forgive me for the times that I have disappointed you, guide me and teach me, Please help me to be assertive, fill me with your power, I pray for healing and peace in the love and assurance that you died and rose again for me, amen